trillow:

[police officer] “sir are you in possession of any illegal drugs”

“sure thing son whatchu need”

jessepnkman:

ladies, if a guy doesn’t eat pussy but still expects to get his dick sucked… laugh right in his face. laugh as you put your clothes back on. leave the room in the midst of your laughter. go home while laughing. keep laughing for the rest of your life. never stop laughing.

Someone come press their lips against mine and slip their hands between my legs